


Buttercups All the Way Down

by LozaMoza



Series: Moments [10]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Curse Breaking, Curses, F/M, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, The Author Regrets Nothing, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:42:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25638973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LozaMoza/pseuds/LozaMoza
Summary: Dandelion/Jaskier gets into some, shall we say, trouble when he beds and runs off on the wrong person and needs Yennefer to pull him out.This is why you shouldn't write Witcher fics after not eating all day and then drinking margaritas.I REGRET NOTHING!!
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: Moments [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1806943
Comments: 26
Kudos: 57





	Buttercups All the Way Down

**Author's Note:**

> I mean, I don't even know where to begin, lol. But hey, no angst!

As the pounding on the door grew louder, Yennefer cursed and rolled into the sleeping witcher at her side. 

“Make it stop,” he muttered.

“Where should I portal them too? The Korath desert? Some icy knoll in Skellige? Say the word.” she said as she softly kissed his chest. The pounding grew louder.

“I don’t give a fuck as long as it’s not here,” responded Geralt as he turned to hold her properly, sending gentle kisses down her neck. He loved the smell of her, and the night air seemed to accentuate her perfume. He could happily drown in it if he had a chance. 

Just then, a faint voice accompanied the banging. “Geralt!! Geralt You’ve got to be in there! GERALT!”

“Dammit,” Geralt groaned again.

“Please tell me that’s not your pet bard,” Yennefer sighed. Geralt kissed her once more, then stood up and walked to the window. He turned for a moment to see Yennefer laying in the bed, the moonlight highlighting the contours of her naked frame, and he immediately regretted leaving her there alone. 

“Dandelion, what the hell are you doing?” Geralt called out, his tone reflecting his mood flawlessly.

“Geralt, Geralt is that you! Oh praise Melitele you’re there. I need you. I need you immediately,” 

“Well, at least he’s finally admitting it to himself,” Yennefer laughed. “But best not to give the man false hope. Please do tell him you’re spoken for.”

“Very funny, Yen,” Geralt groaned. “Dandelion,” he yelled back. “It’s the middle of the fucking night. Come back in the morning.”

“This can’t wait till the morning! Please Geralt, I need you both now!”

“You can tell your little bard that most definitely is  _ not _ happening,” smirked Yennefer. She grabbed the black and white silk robe she kept next to the bed and wrapped herself tightly. “But do let him in for gods’ sake. He’s going to wake the entire neighborhood.”

Geralt cursed, and after telling Dandelion to once more shut the hell up, he grabbed his pants and shirt and made for downstairs with Yennefer in tow.

*******

“Why, Dandelion? Why are you here in the middle of the night?” grumbled Geralt as he glared at the bard.

“Well, hello to you too, friend of many years that simply abandoned me after that Rinde fiasco for a crazy woman.” 

Yennefer peered out behind Geralt, flicking her eyes over the bard, making him squirm uncomfortably, which she seemed to enjoy immensely. “Hello, Bard.”

“Yennefer,” Dandelion scowled.

“Dandelion...” Geralt said loudly.

“I’ll just let myself in, thank you.” Dandelion stepped into the house and closed the front door behind him. “I need…”

“Geralt? Yes, we heard your moaning from outside.”

Dandelion glared at her. “What Geralt sees in you I’ll never understand.”

“Nor is it any of your business to understand, Bard,” she smirked back as she entwined her arm in Geralt’s. The Witcher just sighed. 

“Dandelion, if you woke us in the middle of the night to trade barbs with Yennefer, I’ll kick your ass myself. For the last time, what the fuck do you want?”

“Fine, I can see pleasantries are not the order of the day...night. I came,” he looked around uncomfortably. “I came because I have a problem, and I need help.”

Yennefer’s lip curled. “Well, Dandelion, you do have quite the knack for getting yourself into rather precarious situations.” Dandelion grimaced at her.

“Geralt please, this is serious!” he moaned, and Geralt groaned in annoyance. Not even four months since the djinn and the fool had already managed to get himself into another predicament that Geralt needed to pull him out of. 

“Who is after you this time? Who’s skirts did you get stuck in?”

“Oh yes,” Yennefer laughed. “Do tell…”

“NO ONE,” Dandelion began, glowering at her, “is after me, I’ll have you know. As to the other…”

“Of course.” Geralt muttered. “Just put a wide berth between you and the husband and you’ll be fine. Now if you’ll excuse me,” Geralt grabbed Yennefer around her waist and went to open the door for Dandelion, “we are going back to bed, so you need to leave.”

“Geralt, I’m not done!” Dandelion said as he slammed the door shut with his open palm. “There’s more.”

“How much more can there possibly be?”

“SHE MAGICKED ME!!” Dandelion screamed out. 

Yennefer’s eye’s lit up. “The plot thickens. I find myself exceptionally invested.”

“Fuck Dandelion, did you really get entangled with a sorceress?”

“YOU DID!!! You have no room to judge me, Geralt!” he yelped defensively.

“He does have you there, darling,” Yennefer said as she kissed his cheek. “Well, Dandelion, out with it. Who magicked you, and how?”

Dandelion sighed bitterly. “Sabrina. Sabrina Glevissig.”

Yenenfer burst out laughing. “Oh Bard, please tell me you weren’t foolish enough to anger Sabrina? I have yet to meet a more vindictive cow than her!”

“I THOUGHT,” he replied, “that we both understood the terms of the relationship we established. Based on my current problem, I was incorrect in that assumption.”

“So you fucked her and ran off, and she did something to you?” Geralt shook his head.

“In a manner of speaking.”

“You seem to have all your limbs. You can speak relatively well, so she didn’t take your tongue. Pity. What did she do to warrant this…” Yennefer stopped, her hand going to her mouth as her violet eyes glittered with mischief. “Oh Dandelion, you must show us. I have been DYING to see ramifications of such a curse.”

“This isn’t fucking funny, Yennefer!”

“But it is, little Bard, it truly is.”

Geralt was annoyed. He’d been woken from his sleep, and instead of making love to the woman next to him like he normally did when that happened, he now was standing downstairs listening to innuendos and insults. “Can one of you share this little jest??”

“Give us the honors, Dandelion. We did wake up for this, after all.” Yennefer laughed softly. 

“Before I do, you both need to promise NOT to laugh. This is serious!” Dandelion looked desperate.

“You’ll get no such oath from me, Bard, but since I’m assuming you need my help to repair it, you really don’t have much of a choice,” Yennefer shook her curls lightly and smiled at him, earning an ugly grimace in return from Dandelion.

“Just show us, Dandelion. You woke us up for this shit. Enough with the suspense.” With that, Dandelion began to pull down his pants and small clothes. “Dandelion, what the hell are you doing?!!” Geralt cursed, averting his eyes. Yennefer immediately burst into hysterical laughter, the kind he so rarely heard from her.

“Yen, don’t be so cruel,” Geralt responded, feeling at least somewhat protective of any man’s ego when it came to that.

“Geralt, you have to see this,” she said between fits of giggles.

“I don’t want to look at his cock, Yen! Why the hell would I…” but Yennefer turned his cheek and forced his eyes on Dandelion.

He let out a shocked gasp.

There, in place of where a cock and balls should by all rights be, was instead was a delicate buttercup, soft yellow petals gently unfurling in the night air.

“I...I…, Dandelion what the fuck?!” 

“SHE DID THIS TO ME!!” Dandelion cried out.

“I can’t... I can’t look at that,” Geralt said, turning away horrified. 

Yennefer leaned in a bit closer. “It’s quite an impressive spell actually. Look at the coloring she got on the leaves and petals. It’s so incredibly lifelike. She even took inspiration from your name. How terribly clever. I must say Sabrina’s skills in transformation have improved drastically, loathe I may be to admit.” She was quiet for a moment. “I’m curious, did she match the tactile similarities between the magical and natural varieties?” she said as she reached her hand to the little flower.

“NO!!” both Dandelion and Geralt yelled, and Geralt pulled her hand away.

“Oh men, always so ridiculously sensitive,” she said flippantly. “Well, I’m assuming you want me to fix this?”

“Of fucking course I want you to fix this!!” Dandelion screamed.

“Would you like the same model you had before, or any improvements?”

“What the...? I JUST WANT MY COCK BACK!!?” Dandelion was nearly in tears. The little flower that was his new equipment fluttered happily in-between his thighs.

“Balls too, or just the cock?”

“Yen for fuck’s sake, help the poor man!” Geralt said, looking anywhere but at Dandelion.

“I can improve it as well, if you’d like. Add some color, perhaps? Imagine the conversation when the next merchant’s wife you try to bed see’s a bright purple cock with matching balls?” She smirked.

“Fucking hells, woman, please! I’m begging you!!” Dandelion cried, tears falling in earnest now. 

“Yen…” Geralt groaned. He wanted to be anywhere then this room at the moment.

Yennefer rolled her eyes and sighed. “Such little imagination,” she flipped her hand slightly and Dandelion began to squeal.

“PRAISE MELITELE!!!! Yennefer, I will write ballads about you! I will sing songs…” 

“Yes, yes, yes...now off you go, Bard.” Dandelion was already grabbing his lute and rushing out the door. “Oh and Dandelion,” she called out. “Best give it a month before you try it out. I cannot guarantee it won’t fall off if anything happens, shall we say, prematurely.”

“What?!?” he yelled in response.

“Safe travels, Bard.” With that, she closed the door and turned to Geralt. “Are you quite alright, Witcher? You seem distressed. Don’t worry, his cock won’t fall off. I just wanted to give the women of Aedirn a reprieve from the lecherous fool.”

“I will never get that image out of my head,” he mumbled. Yennefer went up to him and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“I guess he learned to be careful when it comes to sorceresses,” she smiled, and Geralt knew she wasn’t just talking about Dandelion. 

“I guess,” he replied as he pulled her close. With the heat of her body against him, he could feel his own cock responding to her.

“Darling, trust me, I would never do anything to jeopardize you down here,” she cooed as she palmed his erection. She leaned on her toes and whispered in his ear. “Why would I risk ruining something I’ve come to cherish so deeply?”

Geralt smiled and kissed her hard, relishing the feeling of her hands tangling through his hair.

They never did make it back to the bedroom. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I know... but WHAT a visual, right!?
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are love. Thank you all for reading this ridiculousness!


End file.
